What's your love language?

After a conversation over relationships and ways of expressing love with friends I decided to share what I learned from reading the book, The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman.  One of my friends said “This should be the foundation for every relationship” I agree so here is my little piece of knowledge to you all.

According to this book there are 5 main love languages that we all speak and understand.  Just like languages, we are born with 1 main one but can learn many as we grow.  My first language is Spanish when I moved to the US I learned English, now I’m fluent in both.  Gary argues the same for Love languages, we have one that we speak and understand fluently but we can learn to speak and understand many more.

These languages are ways that we express our love for one another.  Sometimes we speak and understand the same, sometimes we speak (give) one but understand (receive) another. Here are the 5 main languages as explained in the book.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

The need to feel loved isn't confined to marriage or even romance—everyone has a desire to be fulfilled by meaningful relationships and unconditional love. Love languages manifest in friendships, the workplace, in families, and in just about every human connection.

So it is very important that you find what your primary love language is so that you can communicate it to your partner, friends, co-workers, and family. Understand there are many more languages and within them different dialects, this is just the 5 main ones.

After understanding your own you will easily see in people what their language is and it’s up to you to learn it if you have difficulties expressing yourself in their language.  This is where you find out how much you care for this person if you are willing to speak to them in ways they understand.

Ready to find out your love language? Try the quiz here: 

In love and gratitude,

Barbara Alfonzo